Bye Bye Dexedrine
About fifteen years ago, I remember reading an article in CompuServe magazine about ADD, or Attention Deficit Disorder. It was like the light came on, reading that article, I suddenly could see clearly that I wasn’t alone in my distracted thinking, my short attention span, and a lifetime of unfinished projects. Not to mention numerous, varied, and short-lived relationships. My father always used to describe me as a “one-off”, must be a British expression, but I understand what he meant.
Nowadays, ADD has become the popular disorder-of-the-day, it is almost fashionable now to describe one’s self as ADD; it lets a person off the hook for being messy or lazy. But I think you have to actually be ADD to truly know what this affliction is all about.
About 4 years ago, I began taking Dexedrine to treat my ADD, on my doctor’s advice. Also about 4 years ago, I started smoking cigars on a regular basis (yes, I tried to persuade myself that cigars are healthier, but that’s self-delusional crap, I smoke to inhale and cigars are harsh as hell), and I also developed a nervous habit of scratching away on the cutical of my left thumb. Every day, mercilessly, I dig away at the any tiny little ridge of cuticle skin I can find on my thumb. Every now and then I wonder how I developed this strange habit, and why I have been at it consistently for several years… why do I do it until my thumb aches, or bleeds?
A couple days ago, I decided to let my prescription lapse - I wanted to see if I’d feel any different. Today, I noticed as if afar from myself, that I was not digging at my thumb. I also noticed that I am feeling a bit more laid back, a little less anxious, and strangely, quite a bit more focused.
It makes sense, I guess. Dexedrine is a stimulant after all. I guess it it made me fidgety. I still want my cigars, but quitting day is today, last day of April. So that means that I have to leave this post to go have that last cigar…
Until next 
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