Notes of a Paranoid Schizophrenic

So many of my contemporaries (in other words, mid-lifers) are expressing discontent with their working lives.  We all seem to be caught in what I call the “job trap”.  We are unhappy either with our work, or merely with the fact that we have to continue to work.  It doesn’t seem to matter how good the money we’re earning is, or even how much we like our work.  It’s the bigger question, “Is this really it?  Is this how I am to spend the remaining years of my life?”

This has me wondering… is this a product of our modern times?  It seems to me that the way things work nowadays, there are so many choices that we get confused.  I look at my neighbor’s life and career, and I think, “wow, I wish I could be like that guy.  Good job, nice wife, a couple of kids, nice house…”  . Meanwhile, that guy is looking at his neighbor and saying, ”wow, that guy’s got it made, good job, single, good-looking, sports car…”  And meanwhile, the next guy’s looking at his neighbor’s greener grass, for something is missing in his life too.

Until very recently, I was living a life that was the envy of many, and yet it was agony for me.  As a self-styled computer consultant (a fancy way of saying computer repair-man), I was billing out at an hourly rate of $70 p/hour, I worked 2 to 3 hours a day, and I had all the freedom I could ever ask for.  Living in the famed ski resort of Whistler, I was supposedly living the dream.  On occasion, I would be riding the chairlift with a visitor from another town, and he would ask me where I was from, and what did I do..  I would say, I live here and I’m a self-employed computer consultant.  And he would exclaim, “Oh you lucky dog, and here you are skiing in the middle of the week.  You’re living the dream!”

And yet here I was, bored, frustrated.  Even suicidal.  The way I saw it, I was becoming middle-aged in a ski town full of youth, and I had lost my place.  I watched a lot of TV.  I wondered why my life was going nowhere, why the years are zipping by without any sense of joy.  What is the meaning of it all?  But most profoundly, I was spending an unhealthy amount of time alone, and getting into the inside of my own head and analyzing myself to death.  And this is the downward spiral we call depression.

And suddenly, the death of my father forced a move to the island, the same rock where I grew up.  It was a shock, but it brought about an unexpected relief from the cycle I had been in.  All of a sudden, I find myself looking after my mother, and she in turn is looking after me.  It is a kind of wonderful symbiotic relationship.  I am provided with the opportunity to stop repairing computers for a while and do something totally different.  And quite suddenly I find myself in a routine, which mostly involves preparing meals for my mother, and doing practically anything I can for her.  And in turn, my mother gets a kick from providing me with food and shelter, and even booze

I realize now it’s a wonderful gift I’ve been blessed with, to be able to serve my mother.  She seems to be coping with her grief better, just by the simple fact of having a family member at her side.  My depression, though never far away, has for the most part subsided.  I’ve made some new friends, and I meet new people all the time.  I am even learning to play the guitar!

Being human, though, I still wonder what my greater purpose is all about.  I just don’t know, even at 50.  I have decided that the only way to deal with this situation is not to force it… just go with the flow, be open to new experiences and new people, and perhaps the right opportunity will come my way.

And maybe, just maybe… I will no longer have to envy my neighbor.

Much has been written about the Law of Attraction.  It is the concept discussed in the fairly recent hit movie, The Secret.  The idea is that you attract what you think about.  It’s simple enough to understand - if you think negative thoughts or believe in negative outcomes for your life, then that is what you’ll attract.  Conversely, if you think positively and believe that only positive outcomes can happen in your life, then that is what you’ll attract.

I am a logical person, and I have never given much weight to such visceral concepts; however, as a habitual negative thinker, I have discovered that during the last 6 years or so, much of my life has been rather negative.  Also, there have been many negative consequences in the last 6 years.

So when the time came to move to the island, I saw an opportunity to change the way I think, the way I do things, and to try to dump my negative thinking patterns.  Let me tell, you it isn’t easy!  A habitual negative way of thinking can literally rob a person of years of their life.  I know this - at 50 I feel that the last 5 or 6 years have been a sheer waste of time.

Slowly I am coming around to what the “spiritual teachers” have been saying for centuries.  Live in the present moment, meditate whenever possible, practice affirmations (or positive thinking), and visualize your goals.  To the negative thinker, there is an immediate resistance to these practices.

For me it goes something like this.

• Live in the Present (ah, this is nice: inner voice - wait a minute, I’ve actually stopped worrying - this is uncomfortable - better start worrying again!)
• Meditate (inner voice - I can’t do that.  My brain is way too noisy; I just fall asleep)
• Affirmations (I will achieve goal X: inner voice - No you won’t!  Look at your past, you’ve proven beyond doubt that you’re an inept idiot!)
• Visualization  (a sail boat in the Mediterranean: inner voice - whaddya mean?  That’s not possible, you’re broke and you’ll always be broke!)

I am slowly learning that affirmations are one of the toughest things to practice for a negative thinker.  Affirmations dictate that you should say positive things that aren’t necessarily true.  For example, an overweight person wishing to lose weight might say, “I am slim and I am beautiful”.  So, it is not necessary to believe your affirmations, it is only necessary to say them, over and over, consistently for a period of time.  In the end, the  message gets driven into the subconscious mind, and then the subconscious mind will accept them as true, and then they become true!  Affirmations require faith, another real problem for the negative thinker.  Negative thinker’s don’t have any faith.

So what does this have to do with the law of attraction?  Glad you asked.

Visualizing is the concept of seeing one’s self at some point in the future actually living out the dream.  If your dream is to own a yacht, then visualizing is “seeing” all the features of the yacht, the size and type of the engines, the color, the helicopter on the back, the name, the parties that will be thrown, the people you’ll invite, whatever.  They say the clearer the picture, the better chance of achieving the dream.

Something I’ve been visualizing (when I’m not worrying or beating myself up that is), is getting together with friends and jamming on the guitar.  I’ve had my guitar for over 15 years, but I’ve never actually found the right group of people.  But moving to the island, for some reason, brought this little dream to reality.  Recently I met a new friend, and he mentioned that he has friends over every Wednesday night to jam, and would I like to join?

I was a little apprehensive at first - what if they were all expert musicians, and I’m just sitting there like an inept beginner?  But I decided to go for it.  Lo and behold, they are all friendly guys who don’t give a rats ass if I can play or not, they are just there to have fun.  And I am now a part of that fun

For the friend who initially invited me to the guitar jam sessions, his law of attraction visualization became a reality too.  He had been wanting to start a blog for midlifers, and had actually begun to learn the ins and outs, but had found the process a little overwhelming.  When I discovered this, I said, hey!  I already have such a blog.  Do you want me to help you with yours?  And so, that is what has happened.  He now has a blog because he met me, a person who has some experience with blogs.

I cannot think of a better example of the Law of Attraction at work.  Both of us wanted something.  We both found it.  And it is all because we THOUGHT about it.  That is what the law of Attraction is all about.

“You will become what you think about” - Earl Nightingale.

“What you can conceive and believe, you can achieve” - Napolean Hill

It’s been a long time since writing my last post, and a lot has happened during the lapse.  Two months ago, I was living in Whistler and preparing to leave it for good, after 19 long years.  I can hardly believe it, that time just raced by.  Funny to think, I lived there longer than anyplace ever before, and it is likely that I will never live in any one place as long again.

Actually this has been a very strange and busy year, turning 50 in May - then - my father died suddenly - my motorcycle was stolen - I gave my notice on my apartment - I shut down my business which had lasted almost 15 years - I got in a fight with a partner over my kiosk business and left without my assets - and I moved permanently in with my mother - in the town I grew up in - in the house I grew up in.  Weird.

Did I mention that I have no career and no real career plan?

It’s funny how events unfold.  A month ago, I made a friend, Dave.  Before long, I was asking my friend if I could come and help him in his log stair and rail business.  He welcomed me to the world of unskilled manual labor with a warning:  be prepared for some shit’n'abuse!

For a couple weeks now, I’ve been casually heading over to Dave’s place after a leisurely breakfast with Mum.  I usually arrive around 11am, whereupon Dave and I set up our laptops and pretend to work on our projects.  It’s a lot of fun, and we do seem to actually get a bit of work done, after exhausting all possible procrastination ploys.

Then it’s over to the workshed to peel some logs, while Dave drills holes in the freshly peeled logs.  It’s a strangely satisfying thing to do, peeling logs.  I’d put it in the same category as chopping wood.  There’s something about transforming something into something else, even if it is only by taking it’s skin off.  The other thing is, it’s a bit of a workout at the same time, I usually am stripped down to a t-shirt in five minutes.

But the part that I am really enjoying is the camaraderie with Dave.  It’s been a very long time since I worked with other people around.  I’ve been in the alone world of computers a long time.  It’s hard to explain… but even though I had social interaction with my clients as I worked on their computers, ultimately it was a bit of a lonely game.  It’s not that I wasn’t thankful to have the kind of income I was able to generate in a small amount of time, because I was thankful.  It’s just that I was unable, ultimately, to accept that this is what I will do forever.  It would have been a slow and torturous death.

Now, outside the madness that Whistler has become, I am spending my afternoons in the crisp autumn air, in a beautiful forested area, working with raw timber.  I’ve even been using a chainsaw - Woo Hoo!  Tim the toolman!  And right there is the boss, my friend Dave, handing out his shit and abuse.  The beauty of it is, I hand it directly back with the abuse turned up even louder.  That’s how I know we’re friends.

So there it is - another simple truth that is so basic and fundamental.  Cameraderie and fellowship are important to a person’s sense of well-being.  Humans are social, and I am social.  And I am enjoying the Camaraderie of working with Dave.   He tells me he likes it too.

Incidentally, I’ve been helping Dave with his blog, MidlifeQuest.ca, and even though it’s still really new it’s already got some interesting content.  Dave’s telling the world!  Check it out here.

I have just had a very interesting visit with a friend, who over the years, has been my intellectual opponent on the subject of nutrition. He has some radical views about the poisons and toxins that average people consume on a daily basis without knowing it, and he has rejected the notion of packaged foods for quite some time.

Additionally, years ago he deliberately rid his household of all chemicals. You might think this means only CLR, or other industrial-strength degreaser-type chemicals, but no, he is talking about items as innocuous as Bounce Dryer sheets! I guess this is the reason that I usually choose to debate him - I couldn’t believe that something as innocent as Bounce dryer sheets could be considered hazardous to one’s own health.

Recently, I have wondered why I seem to be fighting my own brain. I am not stupid, however I do sometimes do incredibly stupid things. Now in my fifty-first year, I seem to be doing more, not less, stupid things. Also, I am finding it harder and harder to remember names, and even events that recently have happened. Worse, I am constantly beating myself up and feeling depressed, which is not exactly healthy for one’s self-esteem. Lastly, I have become listless and find myself often without enough energy to do any kind of brain-work.

So the question of toxicity has suddenly become more relevant to me… is it possible that I have poison in my body? I can say with certainty that I do not spend any time considering that everyday household products might contain toxic ingredients.  For example, I have never believed that tap-water contains toxic substances, as my friend believes - particularly in a rural mountain town with freshwater streams everywhere.   I am now slowly becoming convinced that maybe tap-water is poison, even if mildly so. All tap-water contains chlorine, and it isn’t difficult to find information about the harmful effects of chlorine. Even worse, one might be fooled into thinking that bottled water in plastic bottles is the solution, but apart from the ridiculous expense of it, we have all recently learned that the plastic bottles themselves are toxic - they leach carcinogens slowly into the water they contain! The water in the bottles is nothing special either, in fact in some cases, it is just ordinary tap-water packaged into convenient containers. So water is something to pay attention to.

The other thing is detergents.  You might not think of toothpaste as a detergent, but just for argument’s sake, let’s include toothpaste in the general category of household detergent.  What I have learned is that the foaming agent of practically all recognized brands of household detergent is something called sodium lauryl sulfate.  This is the same chemical that is used in industrial applications, such as cleaning engines or machines… think about it…  do we really want the same chemical in our mouths (toothpaste) or in our hair (shampoo)?

A report published in the Journal of The American College of Toxicology in 1983 showed that concentrations of SLS as low as 0.5% could cause irritation and concentrations of 10-30% caused skin corrosion and severe irritation.  This is stuff that the majority of us use every day.

But the true concern for me, after this recent visit with my friend, is mercury poisoning. This topic arose because he has an ebook which he is interested in selling, and he asked me to read it. This came right on the heels of a PBS program I watched a few days ago about the relationship between nutrition and brain-function (ultrabrain, by Mark Hymen), which although the subject-matter was not exclusively about mercury poisoning, the program did touch upon the subject.

Now, you might ask, how can one possibly be exposed to mercury? Where is it coming from? The answer is simple… your FILLINGS!  That’s right - your fillings. There is a truly frightening video on youtube that shows the alarming toxins that a single amalgam-filled tooth emits. Not only does the tooth emit gas at all hours of the day, it emits more gas when exposed to pressure, heat, or chemical reaction with some types of food.

You can watch the video here:

So, my path from wondering about proper nutrition has seguayed to the other important topics of healthy drinking-water, and the effects of the possibility of mercury poisoning.

I have decided to get a heavy-metal blood test done, to see if there is any mercury in my blood, and I have also decided to pursue healthy water and whole foods as my first faltering steps into a better lifestyle, and hopefully a better-functioning brain.  If there is mercury poisoning in my system, I will not hesitate to have the eight silver amalgam fillings in my teeth immediately removed.

I’ll keep you posted as I find out more.

Definition
“The term executive function describes a set of cognitive abilities that control and regulate other abilities and behaviors. Executive functions are necessary for goal-directed behavior. They include the ability to initiate and stop actions, to monitor and change behavior as needed, and to plan future behavior when faced with novel tasks and situations. Executive functions allow us to anticipate outcomes and adapt to changing situations. The ability to form concepts and think abstractly are often considered components of executive function.”

This is another epiphany for me… a new term, or perhaps a new-age term, Executive Function.  I became aware of this term while researching internet marketing.  One of the gurus out there claimed that Executive Function is one of the vital elements for beginning a successful internet marketing  business.  I started to look a bit deeper into the term to make sure that the guru hadn’t merely made it up.

It seems that Executive Function is like a branch of ADD, particularly the adult flavor.  When I started to read about EF, just as when I first discovered ADD, it was like a light went on for me.  Executive functions allow people to initiate and complete tasks and to persevere in the face of challenges.   This has always been my downfall, and at age 50, I have really begun to wonder if it always will be.  Of the many ideas that I have had in my life, and I am sure many of those ideas could have grown into something of significance had I perservered, what always happens is that at the first sign of a roadblock, I simply give up.  Some element of the project requires a bit of unpleasant work, and that’s enough for me to abandon it.  It’s a disorder, and now I know what it is called.  It’s called EF impairment.   Or maybe it’s merely laziness, but I don’t think so.

It definitely helps to know that name of this disorder.  Everytime I think of some important task that I must cope with, I almost always give up before I begin, as I start to consider the difficulty of the steps that need to be taken.  Most of life’s big decisions require a plan.  I’ve never had a plan, I’ve always been proudly spontaneous.  I guess it’s time to develop one, and to stick with it!  Not easy to do, but it might be easier if I just say the words, “is this good executive functioning?”

I have been remarkably shielded from death during my life… I hadn’t really lost anybody close to me until a fairly close woman friend of mine died of cancer. We had a nice casual friendship, she often invited me for coffee, and she frequently adopted me, among her other friends, at Christmas time and Thanksgiving, if they weren’t able to go home to their families. At any rate, her death shook me considerably - she was only 45, the same age as I at the time.

Last Friday, my father died. I have often wondered how I would react to the news of my father’s death, and now, after nearly a week, I record the experience here.

First of all, I should mention that my father was definitely not himself the last five years. He seemed terribly resentful about getting old, or perhaps he was depressed. He did not grow old gracefully, he detested the process of getting old, and he dealt with it by drinking too much, and making those around him suffer so he wasn’t suffering alone. The unfortunate effect for me was that, during the past five years, I often departed from my visits with him and my mother feeling angry at him.

I spoke to my sister by telephone tonight, and we talked about our Dad. I admitted that my grieving has been impaired by Dad’s apparent aggression towards us the past five years, and that I was feeling guilty about it. She then admitted that she was feeling the same way, and she told me that she often left my parent’s place feeling angry with him too.

My mother often confided in me, after Dad had gone to bed, that she was having a tough time living with Dad in his last years. One of the things that I always took so much pride in was the fact that my parents, throughout their married life, always laughed a lot with each other, always enjoyed each other’s company. Many of their separated or divorced friends would marvel at the fact that after so many years of marriage, my Mum and Dad appeared to be very contented with each other. It really was a remarkably stable union between them.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that, although I loved my father dearly, he drove me crazy during the last years of his life, and I think he drove pretty much everyone in our family crazy. When the news of his death came, my mother called with the news at 6am Friday morning, I did not go into apoplectic shock, in fact I took the news rather calmly. I knew Dad had been suffering, and I also know that he was not afraid of death. He often said in his last years that he wished he would just go to sleep one night and not wake up. Although it didn’t happen quite like that, it was close, and his passing came quickly. On Thursday afternoon he was rushed to hospital complaining of a shortness of breath, and by the time my sister got to hospital he was having a real tough time breathing in spite of the oxygen being fed to him. My sister phoned me and told me I’d better make the trip home. She told me that Dad had said goodbye to her (at which point we both started to cry, but only for a moment). then she said I should try to come over in time to say goodbye. I said I would be on the first ferry in the morning.

Thursday evening I tried to call Dad at the hospital. The nurse told me that he was sleeping, so I said that was fine, I’d see him in the morning. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to hang on long enough to see me one last time. I heard that he woke up around 530am, called the nurse, and asked if he could get up. Then he died.

The weekend was spent rallying around my mother. She is a tough woman, but she really had a tough time the first two nights without my Dad at her side. Fortunately, all her extended family was close by, and we all did our best to support her. Actually, the whole experience seems to have pulled our family closer together. We even had some laughs as we remembered Dad in his glory days, and some of the misadventures that he led us through.

All through the weekend, I never really felt that I was grieving for my Dad. I felt more relieved than anything, the whole family agreed that it was a bit more peaceful without him prowling about and growling at us about the slightest things. We were all somewhat glad that his suffering had ended.

Last night was my first night back home in Whistler. I didn’t sleep very well, and my thoughts kept returning to my father. As I was leaving for work this morning, I rounded the corner and came across my neighbor. He said how sorry he was about my Dad, and for the first time I really had to fight back the tears. I headed for my car, got in, and started crying hard. It was the first time in four days that I was finally able to let out my grief.

And it felt good. I said my goodbyes to my wonderful father, and now life continues. I hope Dad is in a happier place now.

“Money doesn’t buy happiness!” - I’ve heard this old saw many times in my life, and I think it’s time to put some real perspective on this old piece of nonsense.

While I do not advocate that money necessarily makes people happy directly, I would postulate that most of the people who say that money doesn’t buy happiness are people who don’t have any money.  It’s a nice simple way to justify being broke.

Yes, some people who have money are unhappy.  Perhaps desperately so.  But is it the money that’s making them unhappy?  I don’t think so.

Conversely, there are some people who live in desperate poverty who are very happy.  But again, does their state of personal happiness have anything to do with money?  Again, I don’t think so.

To the average canadian who self-righteously claims that money doesn’t buy happiness, I would ask that person, “what if your wife/mother/brother/sister/son/daugher was sick and needed expensive surgery?  Wouldn’t a bit of money help you to feel happy that you were able to afford the medical help that your loved one needed?  What if your pet was sick and needed veterinary attention?  If you couldn’t afford the vet, you’d lose your beloved pet.

What about vacations?  The world is a huge fascinating place, but without money it is not possible to explore any of it. Vacations are educational and restorative, and leave a person feeling good and alive.  I see no evil in the pursuit of money if you can show your children the wonders of the world with it.

Education is another consideration.  I think very few people would argue against the merits of a good education… but education is VERY expensive.  Money buys education, education gives you a leg up on the world and a chance to realize your dreams, and if you are engaged in important and rewarding work, and you are realizing your dreams, you are well on your way to being happy.

In conclusion, I would have to say that there is not much truth in the claim that money doesn’t buy happiness.  Neither does poverty!  Happiness, after all, comes from within.  But money opens a world of possibilities, and I believe that with more possibilities, there is a greater chance at happiness.

When the Beatles wrote the words, “I don’t care too much for money - money can’ t buy me love”, they were already rich.  It’s easy to claim that money doesn’t buy happiness if you are already rich.  My bet is that if The Beatles lost their fortunes, they would probably have more gratitude for what money had given them.

As for me, I have never had very much money, and I know that that is no reason to consider my life to be unhappy.  But I think about money all the time, and no matter how I try to look at the supposed evils of money, I sure would like to have more of it!

Money is not evil, people are.

Sometimes I wonder if my computer is a time-wasting device or if it is a valid productivity tool.  After thinking about this today, after I had made a decision to do something productive with my computer instead of playing online backgammon on it, I had an epiphany.

You see, I was driving home from a friend’s house, and my intention was to go home and write a post for this blog.  I felt that familiar battle starting up in my head, the procrastinator versus the creative genius (and the procrastinator wins 90% of the time!).

So I started thinking about what I could do to avoid sitting at my computer and wasting time, and instead use my time productively.  There is certainly no point in my sitting in my little home office, because no matter what I do I will find a way to do two things badly at the same time, or I might simply collapse in front of the TV and do nothing at all.  It’s a long-standing habit I have of listening to something while doing something else, for example reading email or browsing the web.  The net effect is that I don’t get  very much from either source, it’s like trying to converse with two people, on unrelated topics, at the same time.  Ever notice how good listeners are very focused on the topic and don’t dilute it with other distractions, they look you in the eye with all their attention and they listen?  At least that’s how it used be, before this latest age of multimedia multi-tasking, but that’s another topic.

Anyhow, I made a decision to get out of the house when I got home, but not until after downloading some podcasts that I find really well-done and interesting. (If you don’t know what podcasts are, then I suggest you get familiar with them.)  Then the plan was to transfer the podcasts to my iPod so I could go for a walk and listen to the incredible free information from Yaro Starak’s podcast archive.

Just as an aside, I am learning to become a professional blogger, and there is no better source of free information than Yaro Starak’s site, and being a student of his I want to get as much from his website as I possibly can.  But if I sit at home and start listening to his podcasts, I just know I will soon be playing online backgammon as I listen, or answer some emails, or browse some camera review sites, or or or… in other words, only listen with half my attention.

I am really trying my best to be a regular exerciser, but every time I think about my run, another inner-battle inside my head ensues about my unwillingness to go, versus the obvious benefits to both my health and my feelings of well-being.

Lately my knees have been hurting after my runs (I think it’s time to change my old runners), so I decided today just to go for a walk, put a few podcasts onto my iPod, throw my digital camera around my neck, and take off for a walk around Lost Lake (which is right in my neighborhood).  I also had the foresight to bring along a pen and pad in case I learned something worth noting (something that I would definitely not do if I was paying Backgammon!)

So what am I getting at?  Well, ironically, I used my computer to prevent myself from wasting time on my computer.  Isn’t irony wonderful?  I also managed to get some focused listening and learning done, and I got some very enjoyable exercise in one of Whistler’s beautiful forests at the same time.

Anyone who faces the same demon as me, that is the desire to waste time on a computer instead of getting something done on it, I strongly advise that you take a new look at your iPod, it’s also a really fantastic learning tool.

OK, so I got my exercise in, I learned some good stuff, and the walk gave me the idea to write today’s blog topic, which you are reading right now!

Peace.

OK, I’ve been lazy for the past two weeks keeping my blog updated, but I am in the process of trying to put out my first video post.  In the mean time, this little gem is worth reading.

Written By Regina Brett, who is 90 years old

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone…

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield..

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Whew!  What a long and action-packed week it has been.  I’ve taken the week off after my birthday, and spent it with four of my old friends, and a few new ones.  We packed four guys, four cats, two motorcycles, four bicycles, and all our stuff into a pickup truck, and made our way east to sunny Vernon.

I don’t know what it is about having four guys together on a holiday, but somehow beer consumption is deemed to be very important, no matter the expense or the hangover effect, not to mention the high calory count, there seems to be nothing more important than beer.  When it  came to planning anything, beer was the ultimate winner for the top spot on the planning list, followed by food, a close second.

But I digress… My topic for this post is status among friends.  What do I mean by status?  Status is a measurement of respect, and respect is generally achieved with either money or achievement.  The sad truth is that for some of us, who have for some reason or another not found our way in life, not achieved anything noteworthy, or perhaps we’ve tasted success but had unlucky outcomes, we find ourselves at a lower status.

I find status interesting because my own status has fallen.  When I first met my friends fifteen years ago, the beer-drinking friends I spent last week with, we were pretty much of equal status.  None of us had made our mark yet, and we were all eager to do so.  We were in our 30’s and we all had dreams of success.  It was a good time because we helped each other.  One friend taught me about the value of real estate and helped me by my condo.   Another friend became fascinated with computers due to my own experience with them, and took that fascination and built a very successful web business.  We all made a mark and began our path to our chosen careers and ultimately, success.  As time progressed, some continued the climb to success, while others, due to unluckier circumstances, found that success had evaded them (at least for now).  That is also what happened to me.

What has any of this got to do with status?  I am just trying to say that it is natural for people to want to have the respect of their peers.  As some rise in their success, their status also rises.  We respect them.  Conversely, when we fall from success, so does our status fall.  If the successful friend has an opinion, well he’s successful, so he must be right.  If the fallen friend has an opinion, he doesn’t have sufficient rank.  After all, his thinking hasn’t gotten him very far in life, so why trust his opinion?  The successful friend will win the battle, even if he’s completely wrong.  That’s just the way it is.

One of my very good friends has been fortunate in his success.  His status has risen.  Most of us believe what he says because he has achieved authority.  He has money, and he has a family, he has survived two divorces, and he is holding it all together.  Naturally, we all respect him.  But I see cracks in his status, frail little fault-lines in the foundations of it.  He has, on occassion when there is nobody else around, admitted that the big-time beer consumption is based on peer-pressure.  He knows it doesn’t make him feel great.  He knows it costs a lot of money.  But if he doesn’t drink beer among his old friends, it might affect his status.  And given that he has more money than the rest of us, he tends to spoil us and buy more than his share, thereby increasing his status.

He and I also quit smoking at the same time, smoking is bad for obvious reasons, but we both felt that there was an element of shame in being seen smoking by non-smokers.  Shame.  Status.  It’s all connected.

One of my other friends has his own way of coping with his status.  Another of the fallen, he covers up his insecurity with status symbols.  He finds it very important to be seen in an expensive new vehicle that he can barely afford, or to have the latest cell phone, or to be associated with the wealthy.  He is not above name-dropping, and he often boasts when there isn’t a lot to boast about.  He also drinks a lot.  He can barely afford his monthly payments, but he always has enough for drink.  I can’t blame him, we all have our ways of covering up our insecurities.  And his strategies actually work.  His shiny new vehicle does attract the respect of others, so does his fancy cell phone.  But it’s just a strategy, it’s not real.

We often do things for the wrong reasons, just for the sake of status.  I personally want to forget about status, but it isn’t that simple.  It’s human to crave the respect of one’s peers, and I want it as much as anybody.  But I refuse to do it by being boastful, I refuse to exaggerate or deceive just for the sake of winning a debate, and I don’t hide behind status symbols.  However, I can tell you truthfully, that it is very painful to be the low man on the status totem pole. It doesn’t sit well.  I sometimes want to yell out, “Hey, I am important too!”  But that’s not going to change anything.  I have decided to continue on my quest for greater enlightenment, and see if I can rid myself of the need to have status.

My best friend says that status just isn’t important.  I believe him, but until I achieve that level of enlightenment, status remains an unwanted part of my life.

Status is the cousin of of pride, and pride is one of the seven deadly sins.

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

Yesterday I went skiing with six friends. My 50^th birthday was just a few days ago, and one of my close friends had made the 5 hour trip from his home in Vernon to attend. He decided to make it into a holiday, so he booked off the whole week and brought his skis, golf clubs, and his mountain bike.

So yesterday was the big ski day. We had invited a woman to come with us, a woman who had been at my party, she was an old friend that we had lost touch with. During the process of calling each other’s cell phones to try and get organized and meet up for our ski day, I accidentally called her phone a second time without knowing it, and my phone sat on the breakfast table picking every comment of all who were present.

The rest of the ski party had already gathered at another friend’s place for breakfast, and all the others in the group were men. All the men were behaving badly and saying things that could only be described as sexist and nasty. What none of us knew was that our female friend was listening to every word, as various people described her as being controlling; we made unkind comments about her husband (whom she is in the process of splitting up with). We said hurtful things that she didn’t deserve, and she heard them all. Particularly interesting about this awful scenario is that one of my friends has a romantic interest in this woman, and would have done anything to impress her. Unfortunately, he said some of the worst things about her, and she heard those things too.

In spite of the awful things that she had heard, she met up with us to go skiing anyway. During one chairlift ride, when it was just her, the friend who was interested in her, and I, she looked over at us and said, “Can I tell you guys something?” At which point she told us what she had heard over the phone, the things that none of us knew she had heard. She recounted each slight, each blow, with total accuracy. And then she started to cry.

I honestly didn’t know what to do. I was in shock. I was more embarrassed than I have ever been in my life. My friend felt even worse, as he had said some horrible things, things that had invoked peels of laughter among the other men. Each of us tried in our own stumbling way to apologize; it was really kind of hopeless, as we knew that none of those things could be unsaid. However, she seemed to forgive us, and we skied together for a few hours. Then she left, leaving the rest of us to ponder our sins.

The incident pretty much robbed me personally of any joy that day. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Discussing it with my friend, we decided that the lesson to be learned is this:

“Never say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t say directly to them”.

Above all else, show your kindness and compassion. It’s an easy gift to give.

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

Yesterday my topic was Goals and Distractions, and I talked about the importance of setting aside everyday distractions and using that time for moving towards a goal.  This morning a friend sent me an email containing an excellent article about how just one hour a day towards a goal can transform one’s life.

Here is the article, by Perry Marshall:

The first time I heard the phrase “get in your 10,000 hours” was in an interview I did with John Carlton several years ago. He was talking about copywriting and he said if you want to be world-class-good at something, log your ten thousand hours of practice. Today I’ve got 2 thoughts to share about getting in your 10,000 hours:

1) It’s hard for most people to appreciate the rich rewards of being truly world class. The doors it will open for you, the opportunities it will bring month after month, year after year. Especially if you build a public platform around your skill, you’re automatically at the front of every line you stand in - if you even have to stand in line at all.

When you’re world class you can achieve things in your sleep that most people can’t pull off with every ounce of energy and concentration they possess.

2) You don’t have to be even close to certified world-class to enjoy substantial advantages. I’ve always liked the phrase “in the land of the blind, the man with one eye gets to be king.” In most industries and most markets, you don’t need world class marketing chops to win big-time. 1,000 hours of practice will equip you to beat almost everybody in almost any game.

Remember, to succeed online you only need to be good at TWO things - ONE kind of traffic and ONE kind of sales conversion.

If you spend 1,000 hours learning how to generate ONE kind of traffic and 1,000 hours mastering ONE way of converting prospects to buyers, you will be darn close to the best guy or gal you can find at those two things.

So how do you log your 1,000 hours?

You MUST MUST MUST shove minutia out of the way and FOCUS for 1 hour a day.

• 1 hour a day for 3 years is 1000 hours.
• 2 hours a day for 18 months is 1000 hours.
• 3 hours a day for a year is 1000 hours.
• Even if you take one day off per week, which you should.

You will never miss the minutia you shove out of the way. It’ll probably be time you spend responding to emails that will never result in any sales or time you waste twittering or facebooking or whatever.

There are many trivial tasks you can give to a $10 per hour assistant. Things other people can do for you like laundry or housecleaning. Short-term chores that you’ll never miss once they’re gone.

What if you gave those jobs to somebody else and blocked out ONE HOUR to hone your highest skill to perfection?

I’ve basically spent at least an hour writing every day for the last 10 years. It’s my best skill and it’s paid off. I’ve wasted a lot of time doing a lot of stupid things during the last decade but it’s the time I spent doing that that made a difference.

The other thing I’ve been doing for the last 10 years - yes, probably about an hour every day, on average - is being a certified Marketing Maniac. Having my radar cranked up for every possible angle on human psychology and what makes people respond; what makes people change their minds, change their beliefs, part with their money.

Collecting every strange story and case study about websites and infomercials and direct mail campaigns and sales meetings I can find and filing them away in my brain.

I’ve wasted a lot of time doing stupid stuff but time spent doing that has paid off handsomely.

—–> There’s one point I must NOT leave out.

Just “doing ten thousand hours of whatever” all by itself is not enough and will get you nowhere.

There are all kinds of accountants and engineers and secretaries who have done ten thousand hours of accounting or engineering or secretarial work, who are not even close to world class at anything.

Why? Because they’ve just been punching the clock. Sleepwalking through their life. They haven’t been sharpening their saw. They’ve only been going through the motions.

That’ll earn you a paycheck but little else. No, I’m talking about conscious, deliberate effort to get BETTER. To challenge yourself; to seek out new discoveries, to try things you haven’t tried before; to put yourself under the tutelage of an exacting and demanding mentor; to press the edges of your comfort zone and expand your ability.

THAT is what you spend your 1,000 or 10,000 hours doing. Acting instead of reacting. Pressing forward instead of floating downstream.

Before I go, there is one last advantage that I’d like you to consider:

Consider the PEER GROUP you will belong to when you achieve regional, national or world-class chops in ANY endeavor.

You will command instant respect from other world-class people, regardless of profession. The conversations you have with them will be stimulating, invigorating, fascinating. People who embrace excellence. People who, you will find, are usually generous and creative and adventurous. They introduce you, in turn, to other creative, adventurous people.

You will also find that contrary to stereotype, folks who hang out at country clubs are neither stuffy nor dull nor boring. They’re usually the most happenin’, engaging people in town.

A couple weeks ago I spied a Google ad by a world-class artist who is revered in certain circles. Someone I highly respect. (I bet he got his 10,000 hours in by age 19.) I saw a couple of mistakes he was making and dropped him an email offering to help out. He Googled me and when he saw I was also world class at what I do, he replied back and we had a great conversation.

I helped him out, I had a cool opportunity to converse with someone whose work I admire, and perhaps we’ll have more exchanges in the future.

I bet you can think of people you’d like to meet. If you’re as good at what you do as they are at what they do, it won’t be hard to make that happen.

The pursuit of excellence is truly worthy of your time. I challenge you to name anything that’s more worthy of 1 hour per day than that.

Whatever you do - whatever minutia you have to shove out of the way - commit right now to your 1,000 hours of mastery. It’s the first step to getting your 10,000 hours. That hour-a-day is not optional if you want to have a great life.

I promise, it will take you to places you’ve hardly dreamed of.

Perry Marshall

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

” The most depraved type of human being … (is) the man without a purpose” – Ayne Rand

If you want to be successful in life you must set goals. Now that statement might seem obvious, however we live in a time of many distractions, particularly in the western world. TV’s, Radio, Internet, iTunes, telephones, cellphones, while all these things are interesting inventions, and some might argue are even life-enhancing, I would argue that they are mostly distractions that pull us away from achieving our goals. Sure, they can provide pleasure and entertainment, but if they become the center part of a person’s life, then they can only provide anxiety and depression.

I have always had trouble paying attention for long periods of time. As a child in school, I was always the one gazing out the window and thinking about playing after school. As a result, I got pretty mediocre grades throughout my school life.

Back then, I had a love for airplanes and aviation (and I still do). The school I attended decided to have a craft day every Thursday afternoon, and I decided that my craft was going to be designing and building a model helicopter. I started drawing my plans, and eventually came up with a decent framework for a helicopter. I got so absorbed in my project that time seemed to stand still, I had entered “the zone”. As I got older, my model airplanes became more and more sophisticated, and every time I sat down to work on my model airplanes, I became lost in time and entered “the zone”.

Creative people know all about “zone” experiences. Perhaps I should rephrase – Actively creative people know all about zone experiences. I say actively creative, because all people are inherently creative, but many people in our modern world have become lost and distracted. They watch too much TV, or they sit in front of the computer for hours on end browsing the internet. They may start out searching for “how to make money” and end up looking at a monster trucks site. Has this every happened to you? It has certainly happened to me!

The majority of people also work at autopilot jobs, working for an hourly wage, doing their ceaselessly boring repetitive work every day for their entire working lives. They clock in at 9 and clock out at 5. Then, being under-stimulated throughout the day, they come home to their TVs to try and save themselves from their boredom. Eventually, their lives go by and they get old without ever really accomplishing anything.

It is important to set goals and then stick with them until they are completed. This provides us with the immensely rewarding zone experience, reminding us that we are creative and powerful beings that can create anything we want. I always think about large bridges. I think, wow, somebody had a vision to put a bridge here, then he sat down and wrote a plan to build a bridge. Then, he assembled all the right mixture of engineers, city councilors, concrete workers, steelworkers, welders, electricians, and all the other myriad skilled workers to make the bridge a finished product. It all started with a goal! If that person had instead thought, “I’d like to build a bridge” and then sat down to play solitaire on his computer, or watch Seinfeld on TV, the magnificent bridge would never get built.

“Most men live lives of quiet desperation” - Thoreau

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

This excellent article is by Willie Horton:

“I was recently asked why authors such as Ekhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and Tony deMello (and myself for that matter) place so much emphasis on the present moment. My reader also asked me to explain why living in the past or future can be so detrimental - and that’s where this article starts!

Very often, we look back on our past - fondly, with regret, sometimes with longing. There’s no harm in that - after all, it is our life experience to date that makes us who we think we are. Without our memories, we’d wake up each morning, turn around in the bed and scream “Who the hell are you?” - of course, there could be benefits to that!

The real problem with the past is that our subconscious mind lives there by default. This is a major problem because psychology tells us that our subconscious mind (using the twin psychological “abilities” of automaticity and categorization - more like disabilities actually!) dictates our automatic reactions and enables us complete repetitive tasks without paying attention. Unfortunately, as we go through life and become accustomed to the people and places around us, everything becomes repetitive so we end up paying attention to nothing (research indicates that we only pay 1% attention to the here and now).

Here’s the problem. By paying so little attention to the present, our subconscious mind roams freely in a past long gone - thinking that it’s the present. It uses past experiences - our “programs” from our formative years, when we learned our beliefs in everything including ourselves - to dictate our current behaviour. How we behave now determines how people (who are buried in their own past) behave towards us and, as a result, our automatic behaviour creates our present everyday life.

Of course, we’re completely unaware that any of this is going on, because we’re not paying attention!

Now, to add to that mess, your conscious mind constantly wanders into the future. The average adult (most of us are average) has about 50,000 random thoughts each day, many of which are “what ifs”! The problem with a distracted mind is we lose focus on what we’re supposed to be doing now. As a result, it becomes more of a burden, we become more frustrated.

So, between our subconscious’s old programming (which is generally skewed towards the negative) and worry about the future, we end up not being present to what is actually happening here and now. We pay little or no attention to now - and recent neuro-psychological work has proven that your ability to be successful (and experience peace of mind) is directly linked to how much attention you’re paying. Put no energy into the present moment and you get nothing in return!

It’s a bit like the old IT saying “garbage in - garbage out”! Quantum physics tells us that this universe of ours (including everything and everyone you encounter) is made up of energy and that energy responds to your energy. Put almost no energy into being focused in the present and universal energy simply won’t bother to respond to you - why should it, you haven’t even bothered to turn up!

On the other hand, when you do pay more than 1% attention to the present moment, your experience changes. Athletes call it “the zone”, the University of Chicago calls it “flow”, sports people call it “focus”, business people call it “single-mindedness”. Same difference! We’re at our best when our energy is engrossed in what we’re doing - here and now. When we are in flow, things flow for us - we seem to be the right person in the right place at the right time. The famous psychologist Carl Yung called that “synchronocity” - quantum physics has proved how synchronicity works in proving that universal energy is responsive to intention and emotion.

Put simply, if you channel more of your energy into “now”, universal energy will respond now - these are scientific facts, if you want more details just let me know! Conversely, if my energy is “all over the place” (in the past and future) universal energy will give me a normal “not too bad” return on my pathetic 1% investment!

Whether you look at it from a psychological of physics perspective, the key benefit of the Now is this. If you are more present, you have presence - which makes you more impressive and attractive. You will impress those around you simply because there’s more of you present in the moment than everybody else. You will be more attractive to those around you for the same reason. But, importantly, you will be more attractive to events as well (some people call it the Law of Attraction).

So, letting your subconscious live in the past - and letting your conscious mind wander - takes you away from the only time and place we have - Now. You need to learn how to pay more attention to now, to engross yourself in what you’re doing. It’s easy - meditation gives you the mental discipline required - but you could start by simply doing a little more seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling and tasting of where you are, right here, right now, as you finish reading this article”.

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

I was listening to yet another of Eban Pagan’s videos this morning, and he rang my bell quite loudly.  He talks about the modern phenomenon of multitasking - which oddly is a habit that people often boast about.  But multi-tasking is a by-product of our fast-moving times.  Even as I write this article, I am trying to follow the plot of the TV show CSI.  Of course, I missed the climax of the show, and can’t concentrate on my writing.

I think this is a pandemic of sorts, this multitasking thing.  From motorists who are busy texting while hurtling along the highway, to office workers who are constantly interrupted by incoming emails, to everyday consumers being nagged by their ringing cell phones…  How can anybody ever get anything done?  The human brain simply was not designed for multitasking.  We are mono-taskers by nature, but technology has us always trying to do many things at once.

I am convinced that really successful people deliberately turn off the distractions to get things done.  They give themselves time-slots with which to get things accomplished, and they do NOTHING ELSE until their task is finished.  Eban Pagan takes it one step further by using timers.  He suggests that we map out our tasks, then set a timer and do nothing else until the task is done, then allow ourselves a break, then set the timer and get the next thing done.

Certainly makes sense!  I’m going to give it a try.

Be well!

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

Neurosis: When we choose to do something that is negative but familiar, rather than something that is positive but unfamiliar.

“Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; it only changes form” - Einstein.

I am always on the lookout for inspiration.  I just became aware of another teacher whose main business is teaching Internet Marketing, but he happens to also have some wisdom about changing from a negative and habitual mindset to a positive mindset.  I watched one of his videos this morning, and I found him to have some compelling things to teach us.  His name is Eben Pagan.

One of the things that he says, and that many of the other self-help gurus also say, is that we have to observe our own behaviour without judgment.  Just quietly observe the way we are.  I have been practicing this for a couple of months now, and believe it or not, it does bring some peace.  It’s as though we are observing the behaviour of a troubled friend, or a homeless person - we don’t hate these people (at least I don’t), but we empathise with them.  So why are we so tough on ourselves? Let me rephrase that – Why am I so tough on myself?

There has to be something that is holding us back from realizing our full potential, and yet so few of us really ever achieve our greatness.  Eben Pagan tells us that the brain is really three parts: the physical brain, the emotional brain, and the logical brain.  When these three parts are not in harmony, there is friction.  The friction is an inefficiency, and the inefficiency consumes our energy. Is this why depressed people are often listless and tired?  I certainly think that’s possible.  This energy could be better used for creative endeavors.  So how do we break the cycle?

So let’s say that the Logical Brain has a vision for success, and comes up with an original idea.  The Emotional Brain then steps in and sabotages the idea, to protect us from failure.  Emotional Brain says, no, don’t do it, it’s risky and dangerous.  So really Emotional Brain is just trying to protect us, to keep us safe.  The longer this happens, the more that this response becomes “hard-wired”, and it seems like a normal response for us.  And so we remain stuck in our mediocrity.  We  have “learned” that success is a dangerous path.

Eban Pagan suggests that we introduce the Logical Brain to the Emotional Brain, and then step aside and observe what the two sides are saying to each other.  This is an important thing… step aside from your EGO, and watch the two parts of your brain argue.  Yes, it might fatigue you, but this exercise actually gets easier with practice.

I can give you an example of my personal demon and the inner-conflict it provokes - smoking.  This is where the Logical Brain and the Emotional Brain really get it on with each other.  Smoking, for me, is the ultimate self-punishment.  Here is the sequence of events that springs forth from my daily urge to smoke:  ”I really want a smoke now.  Great, this gives me a reason to leave the house and go somewhere! (boredom).  So then I go out, and buy a single cigar, and smoke it right there outside the convenience store.  Inhale smoke, exhale.  Ahh what a rush!”  So then a few more drags, I am feeling satisfied now, I got my rush, and now wondering why I am standing around a convenience store looking like I’ve got nothing better to do, hoping that nobody I know sees me (now we’re moving into guilt territory).

Now the internal battle goes out of control.  Logical brain says, “what the fuck are you doing, you stupid asshole?  Don’t you know that smoking’s bad for you, and it sticks to your clothes and makes you stink?” and Emotional Brain is saying, “Whattya mean?  You love smoking, admit it!  We got to go for a drive, and it got you out of the house!  Cmon, bro, LOTS of people still smoke!  Just keep it under control, you’ll be alright!”

The thing is, it’s just easier to stay the same, until it becomes so uncomfortable that it’s no longer an option, and you begin to seek a higher knowledge of yourself, and you begin to OBSERVE your own behaviour.  That’s what happened to me.  Three days ago, I just simply lost interest in smoking.

In conlusion – be aware of your inner parts, and constantly observe. Over time, the rest of it takes care of itself.

Here is Eban Pagan’s video – make your own conclusions.

http://www.wakeupproductiveblog.com/2008/09/training-video.php

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

There’s a new guru on the scene, Dr Daniel Amen. He has written a book called “Change your Brain, Change your Life“, and the premise of the book is that your brain is vulnerable to all kinds of health issues that are entirely controllable. I like this kind of stuff, because it stays clear of the murky mysteries of psychiatry (I am not knocking psychiatry, but I have personally never found any solace from it).

Instead, it interprets brain health on solid science derived from a brain scanning method called Neuroimaging. I found myself browsing through this book on one of my latest trips to the bookstore, and soon I was sitting down and reading the first chapter, then the second, as if I was reading a thriller and couldn’t wait to get to the climax…

Dr. Amen has collected a bunch of before-and-after photos from his brain image scans, showing how brains can heal just by making a few simple lifestyle changes. There are, for example, brain image scans of people who drink too much alchohol, who are deficient in certain types of nutrients, people who smoke, even people who don’t exercise enough. When these people alter their lifestyle for the better, their “after” brain image scan is clearly more healthy looking.

Even though Dr. Amen is a psychiatrist by training, he seems to have found a breakthrough science that has dramatically helped his patients. Recently Dr. Amen was on PBS Public Television, and he talked about some simple things that people can do to increase their brain performance. One of them was to take fish oil supplements.

I was so convinced by his lecture, that I immediately ran out and bought some Omega 3-6-9 supplements and started taking two a day. I also began taking a multivitamin at the same time. Although the difference is quite subtle, one thing that seems to be improving is my short-term memory (which is disappointingly poor, I sometimes wonder if this is the early onset of Oldtimers Disease!

Dr. Amen also outlined some of the best foods to eat for brain health; here it is:

• avacodos
• green tea
• broccoli
• blueberries
• oatmeal
• oranges
• red peppers
• salmon
• spinach
• tuna
• turkey
• walnuts

Eat and be healthy!

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

It truly is an unbelievably hard thing to do, to change.  Why would a person, being terribly unhappy with the way he is, persist in being that way anyway?  It’s puzzling alright, even to the person so-afflicted.  I can tell you that from personal experience.

Why, for example, would a person continue smoking, even though few of his friends smoke, his parents and sister don’t smoke, his best friend doesn’t smoke, in fact only one of his friends smokes… and given all the evidence of the dangers of smoking to one’s health, the harm it does to one’s sporting performance, not to mention the embarrassment of smelling like smoke, or the shame in being discovered smoking by someone well-deceived, who this person has led to believe that he is a NON SMOKER… why on earth would a person continue smoking?

Why would a person who was born with inherent gifts, a good ear for music, a good hand for drawing, a natural ability with writing skills, very strong mechanical skills, a natural spatial understanding of things… a strong and healthy body… why would a person squander all these gifts and not use ANY of them?  OK, save for skiing and biking.  He uses his body for those things.  But you get the idea.

Why would a guy who was given all the right directions and advice, by people he loves and/or respects, regarding financial strategies, why would he blow it all and lose it all?  Why would he command his ship back onto the rocks, all the while subconsciously knowing how to navigate his way out?

Why would a guy who was given the best upbringing in the world, with two dedicated and loving parents, with a lifelong best friend, with many good friends met and lost along the way, with a private school education, why would a person leave these things behind as he wanders, why would he abondon them?  I don’t understand.  Why?  And when this person approaches his 50th birthday with no family of his own, no career of his own, no real accomplishments or bragging rights for anything worthwhile, only a past that’s a wreckage of half-completed plans, a past with an aching and gnawing envy of others’ accomplishments, why would he find himself lonely, and gut-wrenchingly so?

Why is it so hard to change?  Because it’s comfortable, I guess.  It’s familiar.  It’s the way we operate, and we know nothing else.  But what happens to some of us, we panic about the rapid advancement of time, we realize that if we are going to accomplish anything worthwhile we have to start  now…  we realize that what was once comfortable is now bloody uncomfortable and something has to be done about it.

But still, it’s hard to change, very hard.

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

I watched the Michael J. Fox documentary on TV, Adventures of the Eternal Optimist.  Mr. Fox describes his battle with Parkinson’s Disease, and wonders why he is still able to be optimistic about life.  It was definitely interesting to see a man who has not let PD slow him down too much.  He’s also written a book, traveled the world, raised a large family, and stayed happily married.

This raises the question: why is it that people who are perfectly healthy unable to be optimistic?  Michael J. Fox also wonders why this is.  Is it genetic?  Are people just biologically programmed to be positive or negative?

As a lifelong pessimist myself, I also have to wonder why this is.  Some days it seems IMPOSSIBLE to think positively, and I am certain that pessimism gets stronger as one gets older.  That is why it is important to change this HABIT as soon as you are aware that you have it.

I am not having a good day today.  I am feeling negative and pessimistic and I have done nothing worthwhile today. The result of this is that I feel guilty, and guilt is negative, and it’s a whole nasty loop that feeds on itself.  Perhaps optimism is the same, but I wouldn’t know.

Maybe I should give a Michael J. Fox a call…

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

You know, I am notorious for avoiding doing homework, and lately I’ve been driving around in my car listening to my ipod plugged into my cassette adapter plugged into the radio (hey, don’t knock it, it works just fine).

So I’ve been listening over and over to Karim Hajee’s 4 week Creating Power program.  This program requires the student to stop from time to time and do an exercise, a writing exercise.  Well, this always derails me right away.  My mind goes, “What, you mean pull off to the side of the road right here and write something down?  Are you kidding me??  Like I’m going to do that!” and so, I push on, eager to hear the next piece of sage advice Karim gives me.

Sometimes you have to hear something 20 times before you act on it, and it hit me over the head today as I was driving back from helping out a buddy, and all my other work today, I was listening to Karim (OK, I was only half-listening, but I’m ADD remember?)  Suddenly it shook me to the bone that that aforementioned thought, that was a habit!  That’s exactly the old thinking that I am striving to change, remember?  Well, Duhh!  But it still doesn’t make it easy to do one’s homework, just easier.

That’s part of the reason for writing this blog, actually.  I realized, I really don’t mind writing if I have an audience (and I know what that’s like, as a former weekly contributor to our local rag, The Whistler Question.  Now I have a cure for my avoidance mechanism - make it fun!  Tell it out loud!  Hopefully, soon, people will come and read my blog…

Anyhow, getting back to AFFIRMATIONS, some of Karim’s exercises require one to say affirmations a few times a day.  My brain does the same thing, it says “Ya right.  Like I’m going to utter something over and over again that I don’t believe… Harumph!  I can’t do this affirmations thing, so what’s next Karim?

And yet this is exactly what Karim is talking about… it’s that persistant negative mindset again, what he calls the Great Deceiver.  It’s a negative thought that automatically preempts the positive one.  I’m not even giving the positive one a chance, because it seems a little corny.  Voila!  Negative thought wins, just like it always does.

It’s the very thing that Karim is striving to teach us.. Get Rid of the Negative Thoughts.  They are nothing but a bad habit.

From today forth, I am going to do my affirmations, I am going to do my affirmations, I am going to do my affirmations.

Until next,

Cheers.

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

I have procrastinated my whole life.  ”There will always be time for that”, I would say to myself.  Relationships came and went, jobs came and went.  Even my most productive years, businesswise, soon collapsed into several years of procrastination and mismanagement, until the business’s ultimate demise, with my slothful hands at the wheel.  Too bad, that, I had the whole town’s respect there for a few years…

Anyhow, the years flee by, don’t they?  Here I am, 49 years old (or young, depending on the day), and still single, never started a family or anything, didn’t even come close really.  Career-wise, I had a few good years in my 30’s.  I started a reputable business, I joined the chamber of commerce.  But I got lazy, or complacent perhaps.  I always had the impression that there was lots of time, so it didn’t matter if I made a balls up of it.  But I guess it did matter…

I don’t know when I woke up and realized that there isn’t a LOT of time.  There is  however, quite a bit of time left, but somewhere in the recent past I’ve had an epiphany, and I realized that I had better not waste any more of it.  I have not experienced love yet!  I haven’t been to Africa yet!  I haven’t learned the guitar yet!  I haven’t experienced wealth, and I deserve it! (that’s an affirmation, by the way)

“Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time”. - Theodore Roosevelt

“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” - Charles Darwin

Life is short - we shouldn’t waste it.

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

Recently I was watching an excellent PBS program, featuring Deepack Chopra.  He stated the 10 keys of happiness, and I scrambled for pen and paper so as to write them down.  Luckily, I have one of those PVR’s that you can start and stop as much as you want, so I was able to get them all.  Here they are for all to see:

1. Listen to your body

2. Live in the present moment

3. Embrace Silence (meditation, yoga, being in the moment, etc)

4. Relinquish your need for external approval (be immune to criticism and flattery)

5. Let go of grievances and anger

6. Have a total knowledge of yourself (”know thyself”)

7. Don’t judge others or yourself

8. Eliminate toxins from your body and your life

9. Replace fear-based thinking with joy-based thinking

10. Cultivate witnessing awareness

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

Twenty years ago or so I read a book called The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck.  The first line in the book is “life is difficult”.   That line has always resonated with me, to the point where I never forgot it (and I forget things).  What does Dr. Peck mean by this?  Why is life difficult?

As I was jogging this morning to shake off the Sunday morning blues, I listened to my audio tracks of Karim Hajee.  He talks about the difficulty of changing one’s negative thinking.  I will testify to that!  When Mr Hajee describes the absurdity of negative thinking, I wonder why I don’t just simply dismiss them and replace them with positive thoughts… but I don’t.  The reason I am plagued so often with negative thoughts is that they are a HABIT.

Karim Hajee calls the consious mind THE GREAT DECEIVER.  If one has a natural disposition towards negativity, then that is the The Great Deceiver at work.  The conscious mind will continue to re-inforce those negative messages that it has been using for probably years, and unless a conscious effort is made to change those thoughts, they will continue to dominate one for the rest of one’s life.

My message here is, learn how to defeat your own Great Deceiver.  Try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, try to observe your own thinking.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, then objectively observe that you have just had a negative thought, and then dismiss it as negative, and it doesn’t have a place in your life.  Just try it.  It works!

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

I have been listening to my Creating Power audio tracks, and I really like the lessons that are taught in this course. Today, I have been listening to week two, which talks about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Now, this is an incredibly difficult thing to do. If you have been feeding your subconscious mind with negative thoughts, then your subconscious mind will direct you through life in a negative way. It’s like a garden; if you plant weeds in the garden, then weeds will grow. If you plan flowers in your garden, then flowers will grow. If you have already planted weeds, then they will be harder to get rid of.

***The purpose of this blog is to learn how to be happy and successful***

Today I feel great! I set a goal, I set a deadline, and I am actually ahead of schedule… this is great news for anyone who is ADD!

My goal was to create a blog using Wordpress, make some blog entries, research SEO for my blog, quit smoking, and shut off the TV for a couple of days.

Well, all is going according to plan. I quit smoking January 1st, then caved in around the beginning of April, and started smoking again. Instead of beating myself up, I just let myself smoke, stepped aside from my ego and observed the absurdity of it, and set a deadline for a return to abstinence. That day was today, May 1st. I skied all day with my cigar-smoking buddy, watched him smoke a couple times today, and never had any of my own, so I feel like this is a good start.

But getting back on topic, TV Sucks, last night I decided only to get things accomplished on my blog, and not watch any TV. I also went shopping for groceries, made a nice chili, and listened to music as I worked. You know, even though I am admittedly addicted to TV, last night was such a relief! Turn the damn thing off, and do something creative, one feels so much better at the end of the day. So Turn off the TV, for chrissakes! If you don’t believe me, go visit my video gallery and watch the clip entitled Zeitgeist Final Edition, then you’ll understand why you should throw your TV set out the window.

OK, OK, I haven’t thrown mine out yet, but I can see the day when I do! TV will only suck the life out of you until you are old, and then you will say, What happened to my life?

About fifteen years ago, I remember reading an article in CompuServe magazine about ADD, or Attention Deficit Disorder. It was like the light came on, reading that article, I suddenly could see clearly that I wasn’t alone in my distracted thinking, my short attention span, and a lifetime of unfinished projects. Not to mention numerous, varied, and short-lived relationships. My father always used to describe me as a “one-off”, must be a British expression, but I understand what he meant.

Nowadays, ADD has become the popular disorder-of-the-day, it is almost fashionable now to describe one’s self as ADD; it lets a person off the hook for being messy or lazy. But I think you have to actually be ADD to truly know what this affliction is all about.

About 4 years ago, I began taking Dexedrine to treat my ADD, on my doctor’s advice.  Also about 4 years ago, I started smoking cigars on a regular basis (yes, I tried to persuade myself that cigars are healthier, but that’s self-delusional crap, I smoke to inhale and cigars are harsh as hell), and I also developed a nervous habit of scratching away on the cutical of my left thumb.  Every day, mercilessly, I dig away at the any tiny little ridge of cuticle skin I can find on my thumb.  Every now and then I wonder how I developed this strange habit, and why I have been at it consistently for several years… why do I do it until my thumb aches, or bleeds?

A couple days ago, I decided to let my prescription lapse - I wanted to see if I’d feel any different.  Today, I  noticed as if afar from myself, that I was not digging at my thumb.  I also noticed that I am feeling a bit more laid back, a little less anxious, and strangely, quite a bit more focused.

It makes sense, I guess.  Dexedrine is a stimulant after all.  I guess it it made me fidgety.  I still want my cigars, but quitting day is today, last day of April.  So that means that I have to leave this post to go have that last cigar…

Until next

OK, despite my initial optimism about the future, this morning I woke up wishing I could just go back to sleep.  The nature of my work is that I work when the phone rings.  Of course, I could always go out and do some marketing work… but that has never been my strong asset.

To get kick started today (I needed it), I listened to my Karim Hajee audio track.  There are exercises in these audio courses, today he is telling me to confront my “great deceiver” (my conscious mind) and write down all the things that my mind is telling me I will fail.  Does that sound familiar?  Talking yourself out of success?

Another thing these audio tapes tell me is that sometimes the best time to do these exercises is when I least feel like doing them.  That is why I am writing them down now in this blog.  Because I don’t really feel like it.  That will be the hard part for you too, dear reader, is breaking the old habit of letting yourself off the hook.

If you are trying to break some of your bad habits, I urge you to click through to some of the links in the sidebar at the right of the screen, Bill Harris, Karim Hajee, Eckhart Tolle, John Assaraf, and Deepak Chopra, and see what these men have to teach you.  If you can’t be bothered to to that, then you aren’t really motivated to succeed or improve your life.  So go right now, and check out these enlightened men.  They are all teaching much the same thing, which is to CHANGE YOUR THINKING.  You can change your thinking, but it won’t be easy and you are going to need help.  It is my hope that reading this blog will encourage you as you watch my own struggles.

BTW, I did not go for a run today as I had planned, a buddy called and I went skiing instead (it costs me nothing, I volunteered for a pass and can ski as much as I like).

Be well.

Transformation.  That’s what this blog is about, my personal journey, which starts today.  Actually, it started months ago, but this is my first post and it is here that I reveal my true intentions as a blogger… 

I am a 49 year old single man who has struggled with depression and low self esteem his entire life.  To be quite honest, I am fed up.  I want to change.  I have decided to change.  The scary part is that it is very difficult to change, even though the prospect of staying the same way for the rest of my life is the scariest notion in the world.  It’s not an option, really. 

Many people think that my life is absolutely perfect.  After all, I work only part time.  I live in a world famous ski resort town in beautiful BC, Canada, possibly the most beautiful place on earth.  I am reasonably fit and healthy.  So what’s the big problem?  Well I’ll tell you.  Even though my life is comfy enough, I realize now that I am just drifting through life, without really accomplishing anything.  The years are wizzing by.  I have not set any real goals for 10 years. 

After my retail business closed in 2003, I began to feel sorry for myself.  I wanted others to feel sorry for me too.  So, I started to shuffle through life instead of charging through it. I chose to be angry instead of happy.  And I have paid a price.  The price is alienation from my friends and family.  I also got sloppy with money, and put myself into massive debt.  I closed my business, and borrowed money from my mortgage to pay off the debt.  I got tempted by an easy investement, which turned out to be a dead loss, and burned up $20,000.  Later I sold my house, which luckily had gone up in value, and I had a nice sum of money in hand.  I went for another “easy money” investment, and now that’s looking like another mistake.  My house went up in value $150,000 in only ten years, and I have not seen a single  penny of that money, I squandered it all.

You may think that this post is going in a negative direction - quite the contrary.  As I said earlier, I am FED UP!  I am not sure exactly when it happened, but…

I am mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!

That phrase is from the 1970 movie, Network.  It’s part of a greater monologue that’s worth reprinting here.  This is pretty foretelling of our present world, and it was written 40 years ago!

I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there’s no one anywhere that seems to know what to do with us. Now into it. We know the air is unfit to breathe, our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We know things are bad. Worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in a house as slowly the world we’re living in is getting smaller and all we say is, “Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster, and TV, and my steel belted radials and I won’t say anything.” Well I’m not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad. I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot. I don’t want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crying in the streets. All I know is first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, “I’m a human being. God Dammit, my life has value.” So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” I want you to get up right now. Get up. Go to your windows, open your windows, and stick your head out, and yell, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!” Things have got to change my friends. You’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!” Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open your window, stick your head out and yell, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

Now I am a contemplative sort of guy, certainly not without imagination.  I started to notice that a lot of “gurus”, guys like Bill Harris, Anthony Robins, Karif Haji, Deepak Chopra, even Buddha, are all saying the same thing.  I guess you could call it the universal truth.  The universal truth is this:

ALL OF US ARE THE PRODUCT OF OUR OWN THINKING

Read that statement a couple of times and let it sink in.  All of us are the product of our own thinking.  There is no real difference between you and a multi-millionaire, or a movie star, or high profile world peace activist.  The only thing that separates you and I from successful and happy people IS OUR THINKING.

There.  I have just saved you from having to watch The Secret!  But watch it anyway.  Read all you can, about Quantum Mechanics, listen to every audio, watch every PBS program that investigates why the way we are.  It’s a fascinating journey.

But getting back to the beginning, I started off talking about transformation.  Transformation begins with the decision to change.  In my case, I made the decision to change a long time ago, but I am finding that for some reason I am filled with resistance.  Self doubt.  For some reason, my subconsious mind does not want me to change, it wants me to stay stuck.  But according to the masters, this is normal.  The subconsious mind will rule us forever unless we take active steps to reprogram it.  And that is whyI am writing this blog.  I want to point out some fundamental “truths” that I have discovered, and now I have to “prove” those truths by doing them.  This blog is my journey.  Those who read it, will be my witnesses.  Readers please hold me accountable.  Hold my feet to the fire so to speak.

My next post will explain what I’ve decided to do, what particular aspects of my life that I’ve decided to change. 

Be well.